I need advice from ANYONE who reads this! Doesn't matter if it's proving me wrong or right, because that IS what I want to know!

So... We need to read a psychological book for psychology class ('sychological' may not be the best translation, I think? Basically a book that talks about psychology, doesn't really have to be like an encyclopedia, or something like that, though. Just not fiction, and we should not start reading before we have asked him about it). And... I read "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher in July. And I REALLY don't want to ask him about it... I mean... It's not like he's mean or whatever, it's just my stupid self, afraid I might be left standing alone and wrong and unimportant and... you get the point, right?

So DOES it count? I REALLY need an answer, because if I don't get one from here, then I'm not going to ask my psychology teacher for one, either, and I'm going to end up reading some other book, even though I MAYBE shouldn't, because I've got a very good one I can re-read at home... Does anyone get what I'm saying?

I have no idea how many people will see this, but if you do, and you know about this book, then just tell me! I KNOW I might be very wrong, but just tell me that I'm wrong so I could move on. Okay?


THANK YOU,
to anyone that answers.

Remember when I used to run up to you at 4 years old when you finally had come home?
Remember when I was still so little you could still give me a piggyback ride?
Remember the time when we didn't argue almost every single day?
Remember when your teasing didn't make me mad, because it wasn't half as bad is it is now, or maybe because you knew when to draw the line?
Remember when we used to play board games and cards so-so often
Remember that one night, when I was asking so many-many questions and you put on that song and made me laugh because of the first verse?
Remember this summer?

I wish I could get that back.




Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes,
And save these questions for another day.
I think I know what you've been asking me,
I think you know what I've been trying to say.
I promised I would never leave you,
And you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away.

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabys go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be.



This hasn't happened for the longest time.



I don't say this anymore, but I do love you, dad.
(even though I hope you'll never find this)



(c) "Lullaby" & "For the Longest Time - Billy Joel


(p.s. In case someone did see this as a deviation - yes, I originally put it up as that, but decided that it fits better as a journal entry... even if no one reads my journal, LOL)
(p.s.s. Billy Joel = )

Wow, look at that... I don't have the most embarrassing journal entry on my profile page anymore... xD

But, anyway, I just wanted to know some stuff from people who might accidentally (or not so accidentally) come on my page; the question in mind is the new stuff from me --- I mean, some have been faved and commented, but the later ones are the ones in question - too weird? weak? something else you think they are that I should know? I just feel very insecure about this (okay, I don't, at least not yet, but right now I think that everything (I'm saying everything because there's some stuff in Scraps, too) after 'Flowing' has been weird and weak and am I trying too hard? I do not know, but I WANT to know. So if you stumble onto this page and read this by any chance and have also read my stuff, then please, let me know.

And I also wanted to thank people who have commented and faved and added me to their deviantwatch lately, especially if it had been because of the new short stories/whatever I should call those weird little things.





It means so much to me when people actually like my work.

I'm crying right now.

Because it's sad.

"Kõikide Laps" - White Label is the most amazing song I have ever heard. And I know I've said this about many-many-many songs, but this HAS to be the most amazing of them all.
Kõikide Laps is Estonian Everyone's Child.

The lyrics are here (Estonian first, then English translation):

väikesed käed kirjutavad liivale
emake pai tule mulle järele
ma ootan nii väga sind
mis jaoks küll hülgasid mind
kas sa siis oma last
ei armastada saa
armastada ei saa..

mul ei ole oma tuba
enda juurde sa ei luba
kelle oma olen mina
kui mul sind ei ole
kas siis olen kõigi oma
lastekodus elan praegu
kuid ma tean et tuleb aeg mil
ema mind hellitab hoiab ja kallistab
ema koju mind vii..

öö otsa ma mõtlen millal tulla saad
haigeks kas jäid
või ehk teed ei leia sa
kes saab küll aidata mind
kes teab kus viibida võid
kas sa siis oma last
ei armastada saa
armastada ei saa..

mul ei ole oma tuba
enda juurde sa ei luba
kelle oma olen mina
kui mul sind ei ole
kas siis olen kõigi oma
lastekodus elan praegu
kuigi tean et tuleb aeg mil
ema mindhellitab hoiab ja kallistab
ema koju mind vii

miks on see nii
kas te võite ütelda
lapsi ei saa ju lille pähe kinkida
mis jaoks neid emad maha jätavad
mis jaoks need lapsed öösel nutavad
kas sa siis oma last
ei armastada saa
armastada ei saa

Little hands write on the sand
Mommy, dear, come get me
I wait for you so much
Why did you leave me?
Can't you
love your child?
can't love

I don't have my own room
You don't let me come to you
Whose am I
If I haven't got you
Am I everyone's?
Right now I live in the orphanage
But I know there'll be a time when
Mom will caress me, hold and hug
Mom take me home

All night I think when you can come
Did you get ill
Or maybe you can't find the way
Who can help me?
Who knows where you are?
Can't you
love your child?
Can't love

I don't have my own room
You don't let me come to you
Whose am I
If I haven't got you
Am I everyone's?
Right now I live in the orphanage
But I know there'll be a time when
Mom will caress me, hold and hug
Mom take me home

Why is it like this
Can you tell me?
You can't just give a child as a present
Why do mothers leave them?
Why do these children cry at night?
Can't you
love your child?
Can't love

The translation is a bit awkward... I can be good at English but not that good. Especially the 'Can't you love your child' parts, because Estonian sentences are formed differently than English ones. And the 'You can't just give a child as a present' is especially weird, I hope you get what was meant.

The translation kind of sucks -.-

You can listen to the song here:
[link]

I've been listening to it for about half an hour now, if not more, and I can't stop, even though I'm crying so hard.

It's just so sad.

I just felt like updating my journal. I know I have my blogspot for that, and I probably am going to put something up there later as well, but I just felt like updating this one as well.

Ever heard of the band Jack's Mannequin? Before about 15 minutes before, I hadn't. But, then I came across this deviation: [link] , and I fell in love. Completely. I fell into some hole that I won't get out of for at least two weeks now, maybe even for a month. Because I'm in love. With all the songs I have heard so far. Because they are awesome.

And so is the deviation I came across, by the way. Check it out, really. This is my thanks to the person, even though she probably won't read this. Maybe I'll comment the deviation, if I find the right words.

"You can breathe but the air is running out."

-I mean... that's just [love]. I love it. End of story.

.

[Oh, and since the part where you can write what you're reading is so short, then here's my complete list:
A book about Vikings
A book about different religions
"Les Liaisons dangereuses" by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos [I'm reading it in Estonian, though.]]